Before. I used to write about the adoption of my Chinese children in a personal family blog titled with the word CHAOS. That was how I perceived my environment. Hectic, chaotic, busy and full. If I was the manager of my home and that is how I viewed life. How did my children see the very same environment?

It is all I knew. I filled every moment with busyness.

I signed up for more, left every weekend for our second home, entertaining as if we were bed and breakfast, stayed up late editing pictures, up early to study my bible, rush the kids to school, work, and carpool to endless activities we assumed were best for our kids. Go, Go, GO; I would grumble as we always seemed to be walking out the door.

There was no time for Mindfulness. I even thought a full life equaled success.

Later, I found myself a single mom, and eventually in a new marriage and life ahead. The chaos was still there. I pushed my kids for their future, reminding them of all of the pressure they had to contend with. Who are your friends, are you in the right crowd? Let me see your phone, who are you texting? What app have you downloaded I would say mostly all before I reminded them how grateful I was to see their face each day.

I felt tired, emotional and just overwhelmed with the thoughts rushing through my head of the future; tomorrow is another day…what can I do? Yesterday could have been better, what can I do differently? I was providing the perfect model for my children of not being mindful, not being present with the gifts we have.

Until my son died by Suicide, that day put me deeper into the abyss of chaos.

I did it all wrong before, I cried. Can we to do life  better for our living children….before and after screamed their way into my heart and head. In his death, I processed each moment of the past, each moment without him in the future.

Then one day I heard a voice in my mind say “TODAY.”

I knew where that whisper came from….a reminder of right now.
I had to LEARN to slow down. I had to teach my brain to be in the now. The drastic loss of life in our house pushed me to a moment of understanding that we needed help.

The practice of Mindfulness was and to this day is an extraordinary tool to reduce the stress we live with, the grief we carry and the anxiety of any second.

I cannot take away many of the stressors of this world. The ones I cannot eliminate I handle with being present and putting my focus on the moment.

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present. To be aware of where we are and what we are doing, to not overreact or become overwhelmed with what is going on with us.

Mindfulness is a strategy I wish I would have had in my parenting toolbox when my children were small, for them and me. It is a tool I did not have when my son suffered from the disease called depression and a condition called anxiety. Today we practice mindfulness often.

We use several tools to help us in our practice of living in the present.

Prayer

I often pray the scriptures while sitting in my car on a break at work. My mind runs endlessly with focus on the past and a future without my son. I worry as many parents do how my children will turn out. Am I giving them enough…..have I given them too much? Prayer puts my focus back to what should be, my faith and trust in the Lord.

 

Meditation

To bring my brain back to the present I NEED some hand holding. I am not meant to do life alone. I have found several U tube body scan meditations that help me become present in the moment. Listening quiets my mind, relaxes my body with breathing, bringing me to a place of peace. I encourage you to search for one that fits your needs. Some meditations are hours long, some just a few minutes. I fall asleep this way each night. NO racing mind, no sleepless nights when you drift off to the present.

Yoga

I have the found the practice of yoga to be of such value in my day. I start every morning with 30 minutes to slow down before the day even gets away from me. With each breath, with each pose I find myself filling up with fuel for the day. Later when life gets demanding or filled with the chaos, I have a storehouse of calm to remember and bring me down to the present place.

Breathing

Something we all do but not always effectively when in a chaotic place. Slow down your breathing and learn how to fill your body with the oxygen it needs. There is an art to breathe. It is such a gift we take for granted. When in a place of anxiety we all have a tool to battle it. Of all the automatic functions of the body only the breath can be easily controlled voluntarily, explains Richard P. Brown, M.D. and Patricia L. Gerbarg, M.D. in their book, “The Healing Power of the Breath.” They write:

 

By voluntarily changing the rate, depth, and pattern of breathing, we can change the messages sent from the body’s respiratory system to the brain. In this way, breathing techniques provide a portal to the autonomic communication network through which we can, by changing our breathing patterns, send specific messages to the brain using the language of the body, a language the brain understands and to which it responds. Messages from the respiratory system have rapid, powerful effects on major brain centers involved in thought, emotion, and behavior.”

So you see, God created us with one of the best strategies for being present and letting go of the stress and anxiety at the moment. Breath….slow down. Breathe in for a count of five, hold for four and release for eight. Something that simple in a moment of conflict can change so much.

Gratitude

It is so much easier for some to bring the negative into focus and let it eat away at their mind, body, and soul. I am guilty of this and have had to work hard at my mindset to rewire my brain to see gratitude in all situations.

Dr. Robert Emmons, the psychology professor at the University of California – Davis and gratitude researcher, explains that people who experience and express sincere gratitude feel-

• Alert
• Alive
• Interested
• Enthusiastic

People who show authentic gratitude experience less:
• Envy
• Anger
• Resentment
• Regret

I have taken to waking in the morning and thanking the Lord for the things I have TODAY, situations, people and moments in which I am thankful. Often the list looks simple with my kids, husband, and friends listed at the top. Some treasures are found when you put focus on gratitude. I have discovered I am thankful for so much more than I ever thought. The result, today is a day worth loving, which brings peace and understanding on why I am where I am.

Expectations for my kids are healthy, encouraging them more is lovely and part of my job. Trials and tribulations of the world will not go away. Stress is always something we may face.

What we need to do is slow our minds and bodies for a time. Focus on the tools of being present to handle those moments of stress, anxiety and a full life when they come up. When we are abundant in the present and have mastered the tools of mindfulness we can equip our children with the tools of success.

I always leave each post with a challenge…..Today I challenge you to five minutes of being present, be thankful for that moment, THEN model it to your child or partner.