Ethan’s Story
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Ethan was born in November of 1998, a healthy and beautiful baby. He had no health issues and grew and thrived that first year. Hitting each stage of development with flying colors. His dad and I never tired of him laughing, chattering and singing Baby Beluga. We noticed some issues with ear infections, acid reflux, and colic but our pediatrician assured us all was normal.
Up to this point, Ethan our firstborn son had been growing at a normal rate.
He was actually in the 98th percentile the first 9 months of life. We had started to add real food, buying pre packaged Gerber toddler food, adding milk, yogurt, peanut butter sandwiches, pasta and even hot dogs, and mac and cheese cut into tiny little bits. Of course, we added fruits and vegetables. We followed our doctor’s advice on nutrition, vaccinations and the ins and outs of raising a baby. We trusted the system. Shortly after this picture was taken, Ethan was diagnosed with failure to thrive. His Doctor suggested we fill him with ice cream and fattening foods to get some meat on his bones. So we did.
In October of 2000, Just before Ethan’s second birthday, I couldn’t take it anymore.
My boy had lost his smile, was staring off into space, had chronic diarrhea, he stopped growing, was extremely stressed by everything, wouldn’t eat anything, was uncomfortable with clothing, and the final straw was that he was losing speech.
He stopped singing ……What was happening to my boy?
A teacher friend of mine suggested an evaluation through our public school. It was through this evaluation Ethan was diagnosed with a Pervasive Developmental Delay, Sensory Processing Disorder and later through the University of Michigan, the Autism Spectrum and failure to thrive.
We were devastated.
Pregnant with our second child I began to research how to prevent this from happening again. Through that research, I learned that it was possible to lessen the symptoms of Autism by eliminating wheat and dairy. So we eliminated wheat and dairy.
I researched on, finding that toxins live in personal care products.
We started to use only used natural products. I learned our soil was depleted of the minerals of years ago and the food was not of the same quality that it once was. So we drove 40 minutes to Ann Arbor to do our shopping at Whole Foods.
I joined an Organic Food Co-op having food dropped at my door and friends from church meeting up to unload the truck and share bulk purchases. Later, I illegally purchased raw milk from a farmer. Standing in line with other natural mamas in the back of a dirty old party store 50 minutes from my home so I could make homemade yogurt and have cream for my coffee free of sugar and artificial flavorings.
I learned about heavy metal toxicity and had a Functional Medicine Doctor run tests and hair analysis on Ethan.
We discovered he had heavy metal poisoning mostly from Aluminum. Where would an infant get Aluminum poisoning? I researched on….my deodorant had aluminum leaching into my body as I grew my tiny baby inside of me, so did the tin foil I cooked his chicken nuggets on ( those toddler foods we had started to introduce), the antacids the Doctor prescribed to help the acid reflux when he was just one. The can of coke I drank each day as I nursed him those first 8 months of his precious life. I was poisoning my child and I had no idea.
I sought out professional help and met with a Holistic Nutritional therapist who guided us through a year-long detoxification process.
By this time Ethan’s sister Abbie was born and we were on our way to wellness. The next year our third child Nolan was born. Abbie was growing healthy and free of vaccinations, chemicals, and toxins. Nolan went only to the doctor for well Checks and one fever when he was almost two.
Ethan was out diagnosed by the time he was nearing the end of his 4th year.
In two short years, we had completely changed our lifestyles and the health of our children. Ethan, who two years before started a special program for special needs kids on the Autism Spectrum or with developmental delays no longer qualified for the programming.
In 2005 we traveled to China to adopt our fourth Child Zachary. Ethan traveled with us. You can see by his joy and laughter we were a normal, healthy family.
life went on like that for many years.
We went on to adopt our fifth Child From China in 2008, Audrey Hai Ping joined our Chaos and family. We felt blessed.
Then life happened. I went back to work full time after being a stay at home mom, I worked as a wedding photographer and was gone many nights and weekends capturing memories of others and missing my own. The middle school years hit along with independence, new friends, sleepovers and me not controlling the safe diet I had provided for so long.
In the chaos, I let go of organic veggie burgers for a drive-through and pizza.
If the kids got sick I let Tylenol take over. Eventually, I found myself a divorced, single mom raising my kids with their dad, in separate houses and separate goals. Food and nutrition did not way at the top of anyone’s list. We were trying to get through the day. I purchased a children’s clothing store in our quaint downtown and put a photography studio in the basement. I was running two businesses and working crazy hours. My beautiful babies were at home eating mac and cheese and seeing our local pizza guy more than me.
The spiral started long before I noticed it.
Consumed with keeping up and getting through my day I failed to notice the very signs that had presented long ago. They were different but there. Ethan, now 14 was diagnosed with ADHD. He struggled in school. My once good student was falling behind. Social situations terrified him. He was struggling with friendships. He did not know where he fit in. His father took him to see a doctor that provided medication for ADHD and Social Anxiety Disorder. Paxil and Vyvanse were now his morning routine.
I reminded my boy of the foods he needed to avoid and the toxins in self-care products but did not enforce not using them.
He wanted to wear AXE deodorant, instead of not allowing it I rolled my eyes and went on with life. He began wearing cologne gifted at Christmas time. Drinking pop when out and about and fell in love with late night tv and binge eating sugar.
Teenagers don’t want to revisit a holistic life after enjoying the junk foods and fun ways of normal teen life. I failed my family by letting the junk back in, by not slowing down.
I was the gatekeeper yet I left the gate open to disease and depression.
Then on April 17th, 2017 I found my child dead. My beautiful boy had taken his own life.
The days and weeks following, a blur of grief and heartache.
A physical pain in my heart like nothing I had felt before. You are reading the short version of a very long life of success and failure on our part. When your child takes his life the WHY takes over. Why did he die, Why didn’t I see how bad it was, Why didn’t I help him more?
Then the what…What can I do, What do I say to everyone reaching out?
Research led us to diet, diet let us to gut health, gut health led us to inflammation, inflammation led us to depression and disease.
My family is genetically predisposed to disease and depression. Food and toxins were the triggers that lit the bomb of depression in my son. You can read about some of my discoveries here.
Suicide is complicated. Depression, Anxiety and Mental Health Conditions personalized to each individual, but I know too are steps we can take to support our mind and body.
The guilt, and sadness in recognizing my mistakes as a parent-run deep.
I have a choice as I live with those mistakes made by not being consistent with wellness choices.
My mission…..to simply educate YOU on LIVING LIFE WELL and supporting you along the way.
You see this is a story of HOPE.
I know with all I have there is MORE for you than my beautiful boy had.
Let’s take a swim upstream in the river of life and start making changes that can and will save lives before we drown in the waterfall of disease, pain, mental illness, stress, and anxiety.
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